January 25, 2006

Wealth

Holy mother of God! I'm a self-made multi-millionaire! But what does that mean? It means that our real assets minus liabilities, of which we have none, are worth several million dollars.

Today Izzy and I had our first session with a mediator to work out an asset split and my support payments to her. It went really well by the way. Last night I cobbled together a spreadsheet listing assets and liabilities. Even though I knew that we had done well, it has been a long time since I've done that exercise. As I typed in the numbers and saw the total increasing I felt a growing sense of amazement. I found it hard to believe when I saw the final number. I think what made it more amazing and real for me was that I'm on the brink of relinquishing ownership of a large amount of it. And this also served to show me that what's amazing is not the money itself but the fact that I earned and was able, while living a fancy international lifestyle, to retain that much. I was jubilant; I called my mum in celebration; I felt like partying; I couldn't sleep I was so excited.

At the time that Izzy asked for a divorce I had been anticipating financial independence. Divorce will mean that a lot of things will leave my life, and one of those things could be this financial independence which was so close. I'm thirty-one now, and with that much money I could live a pretty luxurious lifestyle, without "working", until the age of seventy-four. But what I came to understand last night was that I am capable of earning and retaining millions, perhaps billions, of dollars.

Recently I've be noticing that there is such an immense abundance of wealth in the world. When I am in London or San Francisco and I look around I see the massive skyscrapers, the fancy cars, the clothes, and the food; money is flowing like water in a river; it's everywhere. The only reason that it doesn't flow to us is because we are constricted. I drive through the countryside in the UK and see big mansions with paddocks, and duck ponds, and swimming pools; I see fields of crops. The earth is filled with resources: massive quantities of methane hydrates on the ocean floor, wind, waves, and sunlight. There is more than enough to go around.

How did I make all that money? I played a part in converting a forty employee company on the edge of failure to an S&P 500 company with a seven-point-five-billion-dollar market capitalization and over two-billion dollars of revenue per year. But that was the vehicle; how I really did it was much simpler. Last night I was reflecting on what works and what doesn't, and I feel that I have some sense of how I achieved this. I realized that I've been financially successful in spite of so many things that I did wrong.

Worrying, overworking, and complaining: none of these things leads to wealth or any other success; they're just a waste of time and energy. The key is simply to choose what we want, to envision it, to believe that it will be so, and then to just let go; there is no more effort needed. The universe has then been set in motion: ideas will come, motivation will form, miracles will happen, luck will be on our side, things will fall into place, and coincidences will occur. When our intention has been set, we find our bodies doing certain things, and being in certain places; we find our minds thinking in certain directions, and others treating us in certain ways. Creation consists of simply choosing and believing; all else will unfold naturally.

Back in 1998 I used to get up at five in the morning to go and secretly pray in our study. I would say, "I know you can help me. Please help me to do a good job today, to be focused and calm, to be effective, and to be happy." That was choosing and believing. I also remember writing an intention for my career around that time, and I recently found it on my hard drive. I had forgotten all about it. At the time I had believed it would happen, and it has come to pass. I meditate now but I don't really pray any more except to ask for enlightenment. But I think that I have a mental habit of choosing and then believing; I think that I do this almost automatically. The problem that I've had until recently was that I didn't realize that I deserve more than just money or a good career. I also deserve to be adored, to have peace, to be enlightened, and to fully utilize my spirit, heart, and body, not just my mind. We all deserve these things.

While I was in silent seclusion recently, I found myself writing an intention for my life ten years from now. I chose, in a qualitative way, how I wanted it to be in very great detail. I really chose what I wanted things to be like, including my inner life, and I truly believed, and I still believe, that it will happen. I found that afterwards my attitudes and inner processes shifted in a way that moved me in that direction. I found that I started having "ah ha" moments about my life which were directly related to that intention. I also found that the universe seemed to be assisting me.

We don't need to grasp, to stress out, or to worry; there is more than enough. When we try to believe, doubts will creep in: "It's not possible", "I'll have to work really hard", "I'll have to sacrifice", or "I'm not sure I really want that". These are all lies. Cast them out and believe. Just believe. "What if I believe and it doesn't happen?" you ask. That's a lie. If you really believe, it will happen. If you think you believe and it doesn't happen then what did you loose anyway? What is there to loose? The only thing to loose is a false sense of self: a lie that we're not good enough, a lie that we're slaves, a lie that we don't deserve what we need or want. We are free to choose. I choose freedom above anything else.

Summary: Choose, Believe, Surrender

Grammatical footnote: I was getting into serious issues with commas when I wrote this article. I lost all confidence about when and how to use commas. I at first wrote it with no commas, and then added them everywhere. I spent an hour on the phone with my mother getting one-on-one tutoring. God bless her. Now I think I have commas under control. She set me homework: read Hemmingway.