April 10, 2006

Domination

I'm considering following in the footsteps of Jesus. The first step would be to convert to Judaism. But this article isn't about Jesus, it's about sex.

It seems to me that a lot of men are having a hard time with sex. It seems common for men to be confused about their sexuality and how it relates to their overall identity. For men, sex seems to be more about domination and conquest than it is for women.

Many women seem to thrive on interest from men because it boosts their feeling of being attractive. Men, on the other hand, seem to want to prove their manliness by having intercourse with more partners.

It may be that both of these behaviors are due to an insecure sense of identity. It's harder for me to speak for women because I'm not one; I also don't remember the last time that I was one. It's also hard for me to speak for other men.

However, from my conversations with many people it seems that women are much more comfortable with homosexuality than men. Women often have relationships with other women and enjoy them. They have a kind of sexual relationship that is often not possible with men: passionate, loving, nurturing, and sensitive.

Men seem to equate manliness with conquering, controlling, and dominating. I suspect that this comes from an insecure sense of self; an incomplete knowledge of their own power. It has been my experience however that a truer power is accepting and unconditionally loving.

Here's an interesting example. I recently heard a report on National Public Radio (NPR) in California about concern around increasing numbers of HIV infections in heterosexual Hispanic males. These men were visiting the USA to work under the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA).

Since HIV seemed to exist predominantly in the male homosexual population in the Central Valley the researchers didn't understand why so many heterosexual men were contracting it. They did some more research and found that these migrant workers were having anal sex with the local male homosexual population. The visitors thought that this was safe because they had heard that HIV was something that you could only catch if you were homosexual. They believed that penetrating a man was not homosexual.

It is kind of hilarious and I can't help grinning but I understand that this is a serious matter and hopefully they are being educated now. This is an example of the mind-set of masculinity being about penetration, conquest, and domination.

In its highest form, sex becomes a sacred rite of union between two souls. In that action it is the feminine energy that penetrates.

The fear of this feminine power, this awakening energy, could be why men have been keeping women under control for so long and why women have been agreeing to that control. But the surrender and subsequent awakening is nothing to fear; it's a death of delusion which brings peace, joy, and freedom.

Just as an insecure woman needs continual attention to feel attractive, an insecure man needs to continually win, have sex, and control, in order to feel powerful. The more fully I know myself, feel whole, and experience my own power, the less I need to run around proving myself outwardly by dominating, subduing, and conquering. This seems like a healthier way of being.