June 3, 2006

Fecund Bush

I was snowboarding at Lake Tahoe, sliding down the shallow bunny-slope at Heavenly. My Burton Custom one-sixty-point-five was perpendicular to the gradient and I was looking up at my wife on her skis.

Suddenly the back of my board caught an edge in the hard-packed snow and I was thrown backwards. I executed a complete back-flip, landed on my feet, and continued sliding down the hill. My wife cheered, stopped skiing, and started to clap.

I wasn't wearing a helmet and in the middle of the back-flip I'd hit my head on the ground. We went to see a nurse in the first-aid building. She shined a light into my eyes and asked me some questions like what year it was. She asked who the president was; I said, "I don't know. Who is the president?" She responded, "I don't know either." Nobody knew who the president was.

A friend challenged me to write something nice about Bush; she wanted to see how it would make her feel. She doesn't like Bush much, I guess.

I don't have a TV, I don't read the newspapers, and I don't listen to the radio; so I don't know much about Bush. I've seen him a bit on TV in places where there has been one. These are my impressions from the little experience that I've had of him.

He seems like quite an innocent guy. I don't think that he has bad intentions. I think that he really wants to be loved and accepted. The way that he makes mistakes all the time in his speeches is actually quite adorable. I don't think that he makes the mistakes in order to come across as adorable, however. I think that he does it because he's nervous about making mistakes and of being rejected and ridiculed. So he makes the mistakes and then he's adorable anyway although he does get ridiculed a lot.

I think that he's done really well for himself. He doesn't come across as particularly intelligent but he has managed to become one of the most influential and powerful men in the world. That's quite an achievement. He's also done that with an accent which sounds very provincial and uneducated. So I think that he's a really good example of someone who has succeeded in spite of a lot of adversity. And isn't that what America is all about?

I'm not sure that he's the best choice for president. Perhaps he should run a small-town store. I don't know much about politics so I find it hard to pass judgement on his decisions. I can't even remember much about the war in Iraq. We took over Iraq because they took over Kuwait, right? I don't know, perhaps it was the best thing for everyone. I don't have all the information; I'm not in contact with the CIA.

I remember getting that tax rebate. People said that he was favoring the rich people. I got a check for six-hundred-and-fifty dollars that year. I think that it was Bush junior who did that. I remember people saying that it was unfair because the rich people should get less of a refund than the poor people. I remember thinking this was strange because the rich people had already paid more in taxes. I'd paid the United States Treasury something like four-hundred-thousand dollars that year. I don't see how I was being favored particularly since I think that most people got refunds on the order of several hundred dollars.

Why did people vote for him? Assuming that they actually did, I can only think that it's because of the guns and the pickup trucks. I have a feeling that there are great swaths of the US in which reside people with guns and pickup trucks who are relatively non-altruistic and quite-simply simple. I suspect that when they hear a politician who sounds as if he could pump your gas, which I guess he can and does, then they are very willing to apply a large X next to his name. They're probably scared of someone who sounds like he understands that you don't wear a cervical collar after being diagnosed with cervical cancer.

Let's talk about something sexy. Do you ever flirt in the rear-view mirror? I do it a lot and it's a lot of fun. I see an attractive woman driving in front of me and I look at her eyes in her rear-view mirror. She meets my eyes and keeps looking a little bit longer than would be necessary for safety.

She tousles her hair. I overtake and give her a look as I pass. She pretends not to notice me although I know that moisture is forming in her fecund grike.

I pull in front and look in my rear view mirror. I can see her silhouette but the billowing clouds are reflecting off her windscreen and I can hardly make out her features. And then I wonder: what if she couldn't even see me in her rear-view-mirror. What if she was just looking and wondering: what kind of car is that?

Perhaps one day I'll be courageous enough to smile, or to wave, and to risk finding out if others are attracted to me as I much as I am to myself. Then perhaps I will write a book about it, and it will be called Lust in the Rear View Mirror.