May 10, 2006
Before I Die
Perhaps before I die
this pain will stop,
I will want to live,
and I will be healthy.
A year will come
when I will be happy and content,
I will have choices,
other people will stop being my problem,
and I will become my solution.
In that year I will realize
that I am not responsible
for the happiness of others,
but that I am responsible for my own happiness.
One day I will see
that I have felt ashamed
of what is beautiful,
and that I have felt proud
of what is ugly.
One day I will stop
and think
before reacting to change,
and I will allow grief and joy
to flow through me freely.
On that day I will sleep when I am tired
and I will eat when I am hungry,
I will not validate abuse
in order to win the favor of the abuser,
I will know what I am feeling,
and I will not hide my truth.
In that hour
the past will be remembered
and accepted,
the future will filled with opportunity,
I will forgive,
and I will allow myself to be forgiven.
In that moment I will surrender
into the loving arms
of my higher power,
and then I will be
a living example.
And that moment
will be now.
Footnote:
A friend who is in Alcoholics Anonymous and also Adult Children of Alcoholics told me about Just For Today. It's a list of ten self-promises just for today to help an alcoholic take one day at a time. She asked me if I could write a version for Adult Children; I felt very honored by this.
Once I had the sense of Just For Today from talking with her, I wrote Before I Die. I purposefully didn't read Just For Today beforehand.
After writing Before I Die I took a look at Just For Today and saw that Before I Die is very different; what I have written is more in the vein of something we call The Promise. But anyway, it's what came, and who am I to judge?
My friend said that it was perfect and that Before I Die is our very own. I was surprised that she didn't want to modify it or change it, she just accepted it. She simply accepted it.
Perhaps it should be called The Vision.
