December 14, 2006

Absorption

I've noticed that I've begun to operate in a very different way than I used to. When something happens, a setback or something unfortunate, instead of reacting, I seem to absorb it.

I've learned that resistance to reality is pointless. So I allow myself to expand around the new reality. I seem to grow larger in a way that takes it in and allows it to be a part of me. This also happens with positive things that come into my life.

To some degree, I used to shut out reality, to deny it. Unfiltered reality was too much for me, too threatening to my image of what I was. But it was a false image and it only caused me suffering.

Now I look forward to problems because each time one arises it happens so that I can grow in just right the way to subsume the problem. Once I have grown around the problem I feel more peace. Nothing changed except me.

Even if I can do something about the situation a moment later, acceptance of it at the time causes me to grow. I've also noticed that the growth enables me to handle the situation more skillfully because I see the bad and the good in the context of everything else.

Every time this happens and I practice accepting and absorbing I find that there is more room. I am beginning to trust that there is no end, that nothing will be able to disturb my peace.

I'm finding that there seems to be no limit to my capacity; there is always more room for the truth within me. I just let more and more in, and as I do I feel increasingly at home in the world, at home with others. I feel like a child in the arms of a loving mother.

I'm so grateful that this is happening, that I can watch it happen, and that I can express it.